My Advanced Recovery and Holding the Space

Remember: Our Circumstance leads to A Thought which elicits A Feeling which fuels An Action which produces A Result

When I laid out my outline for posts, I originally titled this:

My husband’s advanced recovery.

Then I realized that getting here was a process for me too. I think one piece of advanced recovery  is being in a place where I can hold a healthy space for someone else to just be.

Earlier this year I remember complaining to my husband about our life.

He stood there, listened, and when I stopped talking asked “Is there anything else you want to say?” I said: “No.” His response was “I’m sorry you feel that way.” That was it. I don’t know if he agreed with me or not.

I felt 100% sure that he needed to hear everything I had to say.

I’m sure I wanted him to change something about his actions. He may not have agreed but in that moment held space for me.

It took practice, but he knew that my thoughts and words were about me, not him. My husband had been doing the work to get into advanced recovery—this was one piece of that puzzle.

Months later I was in a healthier headspace.

My husband came to me to discuss some of his biggest fears and triggers.

Instead of making his words mean something about how it all affects me, I held the space.  

Did I still have fears? Yes. Was I ok in that moment? Yes. Is there still a lot of good in my life right now? Yes.

We were recovering individually and moving towards healthier headspaces—it was amazing. Anyone can do this.  

Xxx friends,