I want to preface that this is where my thoughts were, not where they are today. This distinction is important because our thoughts create our results in life.
I always assumed I’d go back to work—once my kids were all in elementary school—to fill up my days.
But going back to work while nursing a baby, with two other young kids and a husband in a caretakee-state? This was not an easy pill to swallow. I’d checked off all of the right boxes so I definitely wouldn’t be working again this soon! However, after about a month of Danny not working I could tell he wouldn’t be back in the saddle anytime soon.
I interviewed and accepted two part-time jobs.
In the beginning I only went back to work 2 days/week.
I cried while during my commute for the first 3 weeks. Danny was too debilitated to be left alone with the kids. Between 3 amazing women (MIL, nanny, and neighbor) the kids were covered.
During busier work periods our neighbors rallied around our family. One occasionally brought over fresh food she knew I’d like (and picked up weekly Costco loot!), others let my kids play at their homes, another took Maya to/from school, my parents came down often to take the kids somewhere fun, etc. I am still so grateful for all of the support we received from dear neighbors and close family.
The waiting game to find the right cocktail of medicine took time.
I knew by working I was doing what was necessary for our family but this offering tore me apart. I needed to process some trauma and grief.
In retrospect, I needed to feel and process these emotions completely.
However, if I would have had the proper mind-management tools I don’t think I would have stayed in victim mode for as long as I did.
I felt like everything was happening to me. I had compassion for my husband and his situation—but felt like a victim in this scenario too.
It was like I was on this sprinting horse, reacting to its erratic behavior and trying to stay on.
Today, I’m still on this horse but I have taken the reins. It feels oh so good. I have learned so much through therapy and coaching that I decided to shift into a career where I can to do something I’m more passionate about—helping people!!!
Even though I would have chosen to feel a lot of the negative feelings I had over the years, I believe I could have alleviated personal suffering with more mind management. If you know someone who could benefit from any of these posts, please share!