Sometimes we think we have a problem, 
 
But we don’t get clear on it.  
 
Then you know what happens?  
 
We start solving the wrong problems. 
 
A coach like me can help you solve the  
 
RIGHT problems.  
 
Then . . . you can start getting clear on what you WANT. 
 
Sometimes we’re unclear about this too, so we try to get it in ways that don’t serve us (Can you say whack-a-mole?)😜. 
 
Where do you get stuck when it comes to your marriage? 
 
DM me and let’s set up a time to chat.  
 
Xxx ...

I know some of you would give anything to go back to your “old normal (can anyone say 2019?)” 
 
I totally get it. I’ve been there too! I would have clawed my way there if I knew it were possible.  
 
But it’s not. You can’t go back. I’m sorry.  
 
I’m also not sorry, because 
 
Your new normal may be better than anything you could have dreamed of.  
 
10 years ago I would have balked at the idea that I’d be living with my family in southern France. BALKED.  
 
When I was in my river of misery 2-4 years ago I would have done the same.  
 
Guess where I’m now living my friend....🇫🇷 
 
And it’s not because of a random combination of circumstances, me getting lucky, etc.  
 
I created this. I put things in motion with my brain (my husband obvs did too😏).  
 
I’m happier than ever, and now I’d never go back to my old normal.  
 
So what new thing in your life or marriage do you want but don’t have?  
 
I’ll get you there. ...

I’ve been planning to post about one of my heroes for the past few weeks, but @dannypoelmancoaching beat me to it.  
 
I love him so much. He is an example of what is possible.  
 
Read this excerpt from his most recent post below...and check out the actual post for more context.  
 
My Ground Punch 
“I had an urge for porn last night. Here is my response to it. 
"Who am I?! Who am I, do you ask? This urge doesn’t know who it’s dealing with. I’m Danny Poelman. I uplift and inspire people. I’m a pioneer in empowering men.  
I’m not the guy you want to play against in basketball. I know how to win. I find ways to win. I was part of a national championship rugby team - twice. 
I don't back down from anybody. 
 
I stepped up to lead in high school.  
 
I stepped up to lead on my mission. I stepped up to lead the Elders Quorum in dental school. I stepped up to lead my dental office team from a startup to generating $40K in revenue per month in a year and half. 
 
I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I went from PTSD (unable to leave the house, unable to sleep, suicidal) to healing/living/engaging and sleeping without medication (off all my meds now). 
 
To enjoying my life again. To looking forward to the future again. To building my own business. 
 
I’m a kick-ass (pardon my French) husband and father and team mate. 
 
I’m stepping up to lead men who want to beat porn. 
 
To empower men to be the kind of man they want to be. 
 
I'm stepping up to show future generations what's possible. 
 
Life without porn is way better. 
 
You don’t know who you’re dealing with. I don’t think I even know who I’m dealing with yet. This is my origin story and I’m still discovering my powers...” ...

When I used to get down, I’d have narratives like the one below run through my head: 
 
“I should have known better. 
 
“I should have known that he would . . . 
 
“I should have know that he’d never . . . 
 
“If I were prettier. If I were skinner. If only . . . 
 
“I’m so stupid. 
 
“I can’t trust anyone, I’m in this alone.” 
 
When I go back to this place in my mind, it was really lonely and painful. 
 
Like, physically painful. 
 
There I was, taking ownership for the things my husband did or didn’t do. 
 
He would tell me it had nothing to do with me, but I didn’t believe it. 
 
When things happen (that you’d give anything to reverse) it’s natural to go to this “it shouldn’t be” place in your mind. 
 
But here’s the thing: This is your brain’s way of tricking yourself into thinking you could have prevented it. 
 
We want to take ownership because blaming ourselves can be a way to feel more in control over what happened, but 
 
🎗 It may be an instinctual shield, but it isn’t going to help you on your path of healing and growth. 
 
🎗 When we bash ourselves for decisions we made in the past, we can unknowingly extinguish the love and trust in ourselves that we could otherwise be accessing right now. 
 
So guess what friend . . . 
 
You shouldn’t have known better because you didn’t know better. 
 
And that’s ok.  
 
You responded just right with the brain information you had at the time. 
 
You don’t need to be your own punching bag anymore. 💙 
 
So next time you tell yourself “I should have known . . . .” 
 
What can you ask yourself instead? 
 
xxx ...

The road of healing isn’t always linear.  
  
There are setbacks, falls, times where it feels like you’re going the wrong way, and more. 🤦🏼‍♀️ 
  
As we wrap up our month here in the French alps, I have loved thinking about healing and hikes.  
  
Today there were tears, complaining, tripping, slipping, and falling from each of our kids. 👧🏼👦🏼👱🏼‍♀️ 
  
Today, one got a stomach-ache from “too much Nutella in his sandwich and hot chocolate (guess we overdid it with ‘fun’ treats).” 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ 
  
Wind came, wind went. 🌬 
  
Yet today, there was some seriously insane B-E-A-U-T-Y. 🌏 
  
People were pleasant, friendly, helpful.  
  
We laughed, worked hard, compared today’s gondola to the other’s we’d been on, had views of almost everywhere we had explored over the month, and so much more.  
  
And when the kiddos got home, I imagine getting clean, snuggling on the couch, and lying on their pillows at bedtime felt better than ever for them.  
  
And we’re all stronger for it. 💪🏻 
  
The road to healing is never linear.  
  
It was never meant to be.  
  
But when you keep moving, trying, and taking intentional action, it DOES come . . . & the reward is “oh so sweet.”  
  
So if you’re struggling to see improvement in yourself or in others, know that it looks different for everyone.  
  
So don’t worry about what others are doing or saying, because they’ve never been on YOUR journey of life—they have a different road map.  
 
It GETS TO BE unique to you.  
 
Things can always get better, even if it feels like it gets harder first.  
  
So if your healing hasn’t seemed linear, if it feels like you’re always taking a few steps back, ask yourself: what if this is normal?  
  
And if you have been stuck for a while, hire a coach. Get some help. People like me can help you get more clear on YOUR UNIQUE ROAD MAP OF LIFE.  
  
I can help you prepare for setbacks or “inclement weather” so that you can be prepared to navigate through them with confidence and fortitude.  
  
Healing =’s not linear. Makes complete sense now, #amIright?  
  
xxx ...

Wanna stop playing the self-blame game? 🙋🏼‍♀️  
  
Come hang with me TODAY at 1:00pm mountain (2:00 central, 3:00 eastern) and learn what to do with that blame instead. 💪🏻  
  
Whether you’re blaming you or others are blaming you, I’ve got your back. I’ll show you how to have yours. 💕  
 
To register: 
1) tap “link in bio” 
2) tap “8/20 webinar” &  
3) voilà!  
  
Xxx ...