Feeling like a victim to your husband’s porn use?
Wondering if it’s possible to repair your marriage?
Feeling committed to your husband but confused about what his porn use means for you?
Wondering what’s real and not real in your marriage?
Heal from the emotional wounds that tend to come after finding out his past or present porn use.
Know in your bones that his actions have NOTHING to do with you, your beauty, worth, and lovability.
Find strength and clarity for yourself, and your marriage.
Rise up, discover, and step into the energy of the incredible woman that you already are.
This can happen whether he’s stopping, stopped, or not stopping his behavior.
What do you know about feelings?
For most people the anticipation of a feeling, or a feeling is driving everything we do.
Simply not being open to feeling an emotion prolonged some of the struggles that Danny and I went through.
Knowing how to feel pain is THE way to get out of pain.🤯
Knowing how to feel an emotion is what’s going to get you the life you want. 🌴
Knowing how to generate positive emotions can be really empowering—and fun! 🦩
We go into more detail on this week’s podcast episode. Click “link in bio,” then “podcast” to check it out! 💫
Xxx
You do you.
He’ll do “him” when he’s ready.
Most women come to me saying “I want help but we need to help him first.”
I get it.
I’ve been there.
We’ve been programmed to selflessly put ourselves behind our husband’s career, healing, and what else?
Because that’s the “selfless” thing to do.
Here’s the thing:
You think his pain is BIGGER because of how he’s coping: with porn
You think your pain is SMALLER because of how you’re not coping: with porn.
PAIN is PAIN my friends.
He carries shame for looking at porn.
You have shame because he looks at porn.
He’ll get better when he’s ready.
If you don’t take care of yourself now,
Even when he GETS ‘better’ you will still have the same fear-based thought patterns about his PAST porn use.
I have clients whose husbands STOPPED looking at porn and they still struggle to accept themselves.
It’s because of their thinking.
So let me help you with YOUR thinking right now whether he’s looking, stopping, or not stopping.
THIS is what will bring you relief.
THIS is what will help you see that there can be a brighter future.
THIS is what is going to help you decide what you want in your life from a place of LOVE.
And you don’t have to make decisions from fear and shame.
You can make powerful decisions in life out of LOVE for yourself, your family, and your spouse.
(P.s. He probably WANTS you to get help too!)
xxx
When you’re feeling alone in your suffering know this:
Things can get better.
When no one but a pencil and paper and God know what you’re going through, know this:
Things can get better.
When you’re too embarrassed to talk about your problems to friends don’t worry—that’s normal.
When you feel ashamed about anything in your marriage (money, intimacy, infidelity, anger, pornography, differences in beliefs, time spent with loved ones, etc), don’t worry:
Things can get better.
There is HOPE.
By allowing yourself to believe in even a smidgeon of possibility . . . you’ll already be on the path to better days.
I have lived through those dark days of hopelessness and I promise you, better days always come.
And when you’re ready to stop waiting for them to come and DECIDE when they come, coaching will be a great fit for you.
If you’re in pain and want some help learning how to metabolize it so that it actually goes away, I’m your gal.
Learning the skill of processing pain and negative emotions is just one of the many tools I teach in my one-on-one coaching program.
Why does this matter?
Because most people don’t go back and forth between pain and JOY. It’s usually pain, and relief.
Knowing how to process negative emotions can ALSO enable you to experience MORE joy in your life as well.
Are you tired of feeling overwhelm, seeking and getting relief, waking up overwhelmed, seeking relief, and more (THIS WAS ME)?
This is where I come in.
You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions anymore.
I can teach you how to create more of the emotions you WANT in your life.
Come talk to me and I’ll show you in less than an hour how to move to a more empowered place in your life.
I have FIVE slots available to talk this week (tomorrow and Friday)—what are you waiting for?
Click the “consult” link in bio and make it happen!
xxx
Have you ever thought about how much energy it takes to not process pain? 🤷🏼♀️ Just the way our bodies are designed to heal, so are our brains.👊🏻 If a physical wound is small enough, it will heal up on it's own without much notice.✨ If a physical wound is large, the natural inclination is for it to heal. Sometimes we have to clean out the debris, dress, and redress, but I love how even then, our bodies heal.👏🏻 Our emotional wounds (though I think of them as physical too) are the same. Sometimes we can get wounded and perhaps subconsciously heal up as though nothing happened.
Occasionally, debris gets in the way of the our natural inclination to heal.
When this happens, all we need to do is give our emotional wounds a good cleaning. 👩🏼⚕️🧑🏽⚕️ Now and again, we need to clean things out, dress, and redress the wounds--also normal and completely ok.
Think about something big in your life that happened to you that you'd consider created a deep emotional wound. Examples: 🦋not making a team with all your friends
🦋getting cut off from peer groups
🦋divorce
🦋divorce of your parents
🦋children getting bullied
🦋emotional abuse 🦋husband looking at porn
🦋getting laid off
🦋spouse getting laid off
Not treated, emotional wounds can get bigger and affect other parts of your life.
Let's go back to our physical body.
Let's say that you stepped on a nail. Didn't treat it because . . . time and energy-duh!
Your body is going to work overtime to heal--and it may work!
If it doesn't, your body will still work overtime in vain to work around the infection. It will take more energy in the long run, and perhaps a toe or two (ps I am not a doctor so don't take this literally!). So if you're ready to step up, look inward, and use your energy to heal yourself, heal your relationships, and put the surplus into other dreams you have, come talk to me. I have one or two more spots to chat tomorrow, Saturday!!! This work is my passion, I love helping people address their past so they can move in the present and future with confidence.
The other day I was talking to my coach about my own self-confidence.
I was like “yeah I’m about a 9 out of 10.”
She asked why.
I said, “because I need a longer track record.”
STOP.
Right after I said it I caught myself.
This isn’t true!
Self-confidence comes from our thinking.
So we can decide in a MOMENT to do something and trust that we will take care of ourselves through the process.
Self-confidence comes when we trust that we can handle ANY emotion.
Self-confidence comes when we are capable, open to experiencing it all, and know that we’re worthy.
All of that can happen BEFORE we even step on the track.
And if I were to set a new goal knowing I have my own back for the entire journey, the pitfalls wouldn’t stop me, they’d just be experience to learn from.
And it all starts with my thoughts.
I don’t have to “build trust with myself,” I can decide in a moment that “I trust me” and be trustworthy enough to follow through with my own commitments.
Do you have your own back? If not, I can help you have yours in no time.
xxx
Do you get scared?
I do too.
When I want to try new things my lower brain is like “stop, what are you thinking? We’re fine. EVERYTHING is fine.”
I used to listen to it—a lot.
Try out for madrigals in high school? “No way, you could get rejected. Or worse, you make it and get teased. And you’d have to wear those mumu clothes.” I played it safe.
There were programs I thought about applying to in college, “but you might not get in, which is WORSE than trying.” I played it safe.
1st career, played it safe.
The list goes on.
One day I decided I was DONE playing it safe.
Playing it safe is boring.
For me it has must been a more direct path to failing ahead of time.
It didn’t feel good.
Now I realize there’s discomfort in playing it safe AND discomfort in growth.
It’s just a trade-off.
What do you choose?
I’m calling different shots for my life today my friends, and I’ve never felt more alive and connected.
I finally signed up for those voice lessons.
I STILL GET SCARED before they start (probably like my clients).
And that’s OK.
xxx
Ps swipe ➡️ for some Uh-mazing screenshots from my “scary” lesson today!